How Will I Die?

Today at the gym, I started thinking about how I was going to die.

After pondering it for a bit, I ruled out a spontaneous death, like a motorcycle accident or crossing the street. I don’t own a motorcycle and I’m fairly adept at crossing the street. Generally, I’m not prone to such spontaneous things. Why? I’m not sure. They just don’t usually happen to me.

That's not to say I don't bring them on sometimes. Maybe a heroin drug overdose, wouldn’t be out of the question, but I’ve never have. Yeah, I know. Never say never, right? Okay, I won’t rule out a heroin overdose, but I will rule out obesity, heart disease and diabetes.

I’m fairly healthy. I exercise on a regularly. I just ran ten miles, and do so on a regular basis. My diet is fairly good according today’s standards (I know, wait ten years and the standards will change, right!). I don’t eat meat at home (only at other people’s homes and restaurants). I eat a lot of greens, fruity things and grainy stuff – basically a low fat, low cholesterol diet.

Okay, if not obesity, heart disease or diabetes, then how will I die? Returning home from the gym, I self-administered all the tests on the NYT Wellness page, evaluating my brain, mouth, ears, heart, eyes, skin, waist, bone, muscle, prostate, feet, skin, and joints.

The tests are useless. So, I mouse to Wikipedia and type “cause of death” and learned that the top ten causes of death in developed countries are: heart disease, stroke, pulmonary, lower respiratory, lung cancer, car accident, stomach cancer, high blood pressure, tuberculosis, and suicide.

After mulling over the list, I type “MY cause of death”. Wikipedia is good, but not that good. The search resulted “List of Minor Characters in Scrubs”. I go back to the original list, and narrowed it down to cancer or stroke. I ponder a bit and decide on cancer, barring a heroin overdose, of course.

Now what kind of cancer you ask? I'd say colon cancer. Why? I don’t know. But there it is: COLON CANCER.

I called my doctor. Made an appointment. I’ll post my colonoscopy results soon. Cheers.