What’s next?

It seems every time I return from an extended trip, I go through a similar recalibration period, trying to remember what I’m supposed to be doing. And it goes somewhat like this:

• Why am I wasting my time writing screenplays? Honestly, I don’t know. I’m not a good writer. I don’t particularly like writing. I HATE re-writing and proofreading. I have no attention for detail. I know all of these things, yet I choose to ignore them. Yes, it's all about denial. It’s worked in the past when pursing education and employment opportunities that I wasn’t the most qualified or didn’t have requisite experience, but forged ahead anyway. Then again, without denial, I probably would not have pursued such opportunities, or pursued more realistically opportunities. Maybe it isn’t such a bad thing.

• I’m also starting to get bored with what I’m writing. Maybe it’s just the cold weather. I don't know. I hope spring brings with it some enthusiasm and will help motivate me. Spring generally has this affect on me. Or maybe what I’m writing is just boring? It's always a possibility.

• My current goal is to re-work the two screenplays that I’ve completed and subsequently received feedback from two professional script analysts via the Slamdance’s Coverage Service. For the most part, the feedback was very constructive and beneficial. My only complain is that they’ve failed to see the underlying genius within my screenplays, but I not going to hold it against them. Genius is often difficult to identify, anyway. After re-work these two screenplays and finishing a third, I’m going to submit all three of them to Slamdance’s Feature Screenplay Contest by the first of June, then wait for the results, and then decide what the next move will be.

• During the summer, I’ve contemplating taking an intensive, six week Editing class at NYU. I already own the Final Cut-Pro software, but never used it. But why do I need a class? I can just read the manual or complete the online tutorial. Why pay $5000 for a class? I’m not sure. I was hoping the class might provide access to other filmmakers, albeit most of them will probably be a lot younger than I am. I suspect a lot of undergrads will enroll in the class, being summer and all. Then again, I don’t have air conditioning in my apartment and I’m sure the school does. I’m going to hold off on a final decision. Global warming my play a factor in this decision.

• I was considering signing-up for a Story Analysis for Producers class during the current Spring Semester. Then I recalled the classes I took two years ago, which were very similar. They were mostly comprised of non-matriculating students. Non-matriculating students have a wide-range of intellectual levels, but heavily populated on the clueless end of the spectrum. The discussions in the classes were dull and did I learn much. I decided against enrolling in the class.

• Instead, I decided should volunteer my services to a filmmaker and gain some practical filmmaking experience. There are various internet sites where filmmakers post help wanted requests. The problem again, however, most of these filmmakers are young just learning the craft themselves. I’m not sure I’d learn enough from them to justify my time and effort. What I’d really like is an intern with an established film producer. I’m starting to realize a greater interested in producing, than say cinematography or screenwriter. Then again, I have nothing to base that statement on either. It’s pure conjecture. Okay, I decided when I finish the three scripts and submit them to the Slamdance Contest, I’ll make an effort to look for a film producing internship. This is something I will most likely do, maybe.

• Then again maybe become filmmaker is just a hopeless pipedream and I should be searching for gainful employment elsewhere, say in the field of data analysis. There seems to be a plethora of jobs in this field and expanding daily. I could seek employment with a web advertising/marketing/monitoring firm in NYC. Current, on-line web advertising is about $40 billion per year and it’s expected to grow to $80 billion by 2012. Salaries seems reasonable with a lot of upside. I’ve always enjoyed working with data and statistics and building predictive econometric models. The downside to this plan, however, is that I’ve have to get up in the morning, go to work, do work, report to a boss, finish my work, return home at the end of the day and do it again the next day. I'm not sure this is such a good plan.

• Maybe, if I can’t an overachiever (e.g. an entertaining, yet thought provoking, award-winning, east-coast filmmaker), I should just thrive to be an underachiever and become something like, say a nurse. Nurses help people which is a good thing. And generally they seem to be thoughtful, caring and nurturing people themselves. But, on the other hand, they work with sick people and I’ve never really worked with sick people before, I'm not sure I want to work with sick people. Plus, I’d have to go back to school. I have no desire to go back to school.

• Okay, I’m exhausted and it's only 11 AM. If it wasn’t 11 AM, I’d make a large vodka martini, straight-up with olives. Hopefully, the mail will arrive soon with a new Netflix DVD.