End of an Era

After a five years hiatus of travel, adventure, living life, daydreaming, and a failed attempt at filmmaking, it's time to reflect on why I failed at the filmmaking and contemplating returning to the real world. Let's see where do I start? Why did I fail at filmmaking?

Mainly because, I never found a group of filmmakers, whom I could collaborate. Instead, I sat at home daydreaming about becoming a filmmaker rather than actually making films. Well, actually I did assist other people with their films, but I never had the guts to make my own film. Plus, I never found a mentor. At Cornell and at Farmer Mac, I had mentors. They helped me succeed.

At film conferences, I'd listen to filmmakers speak; filmmakers whom I recognized as independent producers and/or directors. Some were fairly well know in the independent film world, with one or two fairly impressive films under their belt. However, myth is often more powerful than reality. In person they were a bit, blah. I was never impressed. Most of these filmmakers were living on their laurels of one mediocre or successful film, unable to duplicate the successes.

I've also come to realize that much of filmmaking is luck. Oprah describes luck as "being prepared when the opportunity presents it's self." Well, maybe "luck" never happened, or there's always the possibility I have no talent. Yup, that is a possibility.

I did write some screenplays. But for the most part the reactions to the screenplays were blah. Then again, most people who read and critiqued them have written many "screenplays", but have never had a screenplay produced into a film, although they believe they are screenwriters. Are they screenwriters? Does one have to have a screenplay produced into a film to become a bonafide screenwriter? If you can't write a screenplay that someone wants to produce, how can you critique others? I don't know.

Another thing I hated was the criticism. I know screenplays are supposed to be read and people like to criticize. But really? Can't everyone just like what I write? Okay, yes, being an artist is about having "someone" criticize your work. But why? Who are "they" to criticize? Why does everybody have to be a critic? It's not fair.

My desire is for everybody to like my screenplays and the forthysia to bloom all year round. Yes, I know it doesn't work that way, but why? Why not?

Another huge problem is that I don't ingratiate myself with "important" people: people who count. At conferences, or even on film sets, I don't smooze. The film business is all about smoozing. I know this, but I can't do it.

Also, I'm not really desperate for money. A huge motivating force in this business is money, but by not needing it to pay the bills, I never pushed myself with a financial goals in mind. I did push myself to write, but mostly for myself, not for money. But what I have realized, to make money in the film industry, one has to write for the masses, not independent thinkers. That is not me.

Plus, I may attitude towards a film career might have been a bit arrogant. I never really had any formal training, yet I wanted to be a screenwriter and filmmaker, at least in theory, but possibly not in reality. Or maybe, I wasn't arrogant enough. I don't know.

And there's always the age thing. I'm no spring kitten anymore, even though I'd like to think I am.

Maybe film was never for me, who knows. Maybe I'm really not the artist type. But hey I gave it a try.

Ciao.

Unrealistic Dream or Work?

I don't want to be nearing retirement still focused on my unrealistic dream, then not have enough investments to retire. Ugh. Come January it will be 5 years since I last collected a pay check. I have to admit, it's been fun 5 years.

Starting to Have Second Thoughts

Do I give up the dream or not? That is the question. I feel like I'm spinning wheels, so I got out the old resume and dusted it off. It's not a great time to be looking for job, but I kind of miss having a steady jog (just a little). I especially miss playing with the data and statistical elements. When working on my dissertation, I spend hours and hours playing with SAS - a statistical computer program - evaluating data, and loved it. It was like my playstation. I was psyched every time I could find new parameters to improve my model's fit. But that was back in 1996, data was very limited then. Today everybody has data to analyze, especially web data.

As for the screenplays, well they are starting to bore me. One of them, "Growing Up Catholic" made it the Top 100 (or 5%) at Slamdance , and a reader from the contest contacted me. He suggested I sent it to a contact of his, who is interest in the subject matter I wrote about. But other than that, I don't really know what to do with them. And to be honest, I'm really not thrilled about sending them out blindly to producers. Mostly, because I hate the rejection. I realize not everybody is going to like everything, but when they say no thanks, it still feels like a rejection. I guess most artist have to deal with rejection on a daily basis. Hence, maybe it's more fitting for me to find a job, and write part-time. I'm starting to feel extremely reclusive in my home. Plus, I'm wasting an extreme amount of time surfing/reading the web, instead of writing. Another element that I don't particularly care about the film industry is the self-promotion. It takes a certain type of person to do it and I don't think I'm that type of person. Moreover, the independent film industry is in a bit of a flux right now. Everybody is spending more and more time on the web and playing video games. Less and less people are attending independent film. People do attend blockbusters or large budget films with huge advertising budgets, but not independent film.

I spent the weekend down in DC visiting Chad and Rehan. It was Rehan's 36th birthday and Chad was visiting from Pakistan. He returns to Pakistan next week. He's there on a 2 year contract. He says it's crazy, but he feels safe in the "compound" in which he lives. I also visited with Ayo and her baby Quinn, while in DC. I accompanied them to the doctors. It was Quinn's 3 month check up. Cute baby. Before the birthday party, I hung out with Abdi, one of my Somali friends, at Ruby Tuesdays and sucked down 3 Long Island Ice Teas in two hours. Abdi stumbled out of the bar. I was fine. On the drive home the next day, I stopped at my brother Chris' and his partner, Donna's home north of Baltimore. He made a great dinner, just like Mom used to make. I make it home, late Sunday night. Next week, I leave to Cancun and then Cuba. Yah.

Right To Remain Violent Trailer

Last summer's movie project.

"Handsome Harry"

Here is the trailer for the film I interned on Handsome Harry . It premieres at Tribeca Film Festival this Friday.

Plus a favorable review of the film by the antique MTV newsman Kurt Loder.
Here's another review from Variety, but its not as favorable.

"Handsome Harry," the second of only two features Bette Gordon directed in the 26 years since "Variety," finds the groundbreaking indie helmer recasting her feminism into an all-male study in gay denial. Scripted by '70s counterculture lenser Nicolas Proferes and thesped by a veritable who's-who of gifted character actors, the pic (like Gordon's 1998 "Luminous Motion") loosely resembles a road movie: A man, dragging along a secret, revisits co-participants in a traumatic event that transpired decades earlier. Beginning promisingly enough, "Handsome" soon turns monotonously angst-ridden, with all humor and personality falling by the wayside. Theatrical chances look iffy.

Update May 4th: I saw the film yesterday. Typically, I don't like road movies or movies that hold back information only to be revealed later. That's the way I felt about this film when I originally read script. However, after seeing the film, I have to admit the director did a great job adding plausibility to why the information was withheld and how it was revealed. Kudos to the director.

Moreover, the Variety claims "some of the stops" along the way are "stepping stones". I agree somewhat, except the acting during these "stepping stones" is excellent. Possibly, if lesser actors portrayed these characters they might have been "stepping stones", but with John Savage and Aidan Quinn as the "steps". The scene are worth watching. And okay, as per the Variety review, the ending can been seen coming a bit before actually comes, but that's okay. I really don't think it lessened the impact of the ending any. The same goes for the angst-ridden ending, it maybe a bit hard to watch, but its resonate long after leaving the theater. I would definitely recommend the film.

Another Internship

It's going to be me and the 20 year olds again. I start another internship tomorrow on the feature film "Handsome Harry".

It's an independent feature from acclaimed director Bette Gordon (Luminous Motion, Variety), is in pre-production and will commence principal photography in mid-September. Handsome Harry is being produced by Jamin O’Brien (Just Like the Son, Into the Blue) and executive produced by Fred Berner (Pollock, Vanya on 42nd Street, Law & Order).

The film features a stunning award-winning cast centered around Jamey Sheridan (Ice Storm, Law & Order), Steve Buscemi (Fargo, Pulp Fiction & Armageddon), Campbell Scott (Rodger Dodger, Music & Lyrics) and Titus Welliver (Gone Baby Gone, Deadwood). Todd Thaler (The Professional, Little Children) is the casting director.

Synopsis: Handsome Harry is a unique character driven story about a man confronting his past secrets and finding his true identity, through the investigations of a crime committed thirty years prior. Handsome Harry is a love story intertwined with past reflections, dying friends, painful memories.

Hopefully, I won't be fired on the first day. I'm starting to sensor my comments.

Independent Filmmakers Conference

To divert my attention from the plethora of Presidential Election News, I signed up for an Inpedendent Filmmaker Conference next month. I've starting to realize that no matter if I spend hours on the internet reading about the election daily or I read nothing about the election from now until election day, the outcome is going to be the same. My reading the election news isn't going to change things.

My objectives for the Filmmakers Conference is a little more offers to a be a little more productive. There're numberous speakers and a chance to make industry contacts. I really need to start putting myself out there and start making connections.

A bonus. Kevin Smith is one of the keynote speakers and a true independent filmmaker.

Movie Set Life

We're a little over half way completed filming the movie "YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN VIOLENT". The film suggests a rural “Kids” meets “Fight Club.” The logline is: kids are forced to participate in a secret fight club run by town officials. Check out the website and IMDB for more info.

I’ve been working on the same production since June 28th. It's expected to come to an end on July 27th. While things have been chaotic at times, I've been learning a lot. I've been doing a variety of things, many of witch may sound boring, but it’s been a lot of fun, because mostly it’s been an unveiling of the movie making shroud for me personally. Things I've been involved with:

1) Assisting with casting call.
2) Liaison between SAG (Screen Actor’s Guild) and the film’s production company.
3) Facilitating contracts between cast and crew and film’s attorney.
4) Calculating weekly payroll and forwarding to the film’s accountant.
5) Scouting set locations (ext. house, ext. bar, small rural town).
6) Post short location videos on blogsite to share with crew members.

I've also been helping out on set, but not a lot, mostly because I need to be near an internet connection and in contact with SAG, the film’s accountant and attorney, and I've been driving around NJ scouting film locations, etc.

Enuff Riting...

Okay, I'm tired of sitting in my apartment, daydreaming, and writing scripts. Actually, I don't mind it at all, but on the spur of them moment last week, via some obscure email exchange with a friend of a friend, I was forward contact info of the friend of the friend's friend, who’s in the film business and has a film was currently play in NYC. Expectantly, she didn't have a great deal free-time at the moment, promoting her film and all, but she did offer to get back in touch in a month or so. Her film is Full Grown Men and it’s playing in NYC theaters, unfortunately it didn’t get a lot of fresh reviews .

Anyway this got me thinking about film production work, so I checked on craigslist.com and found an ultra-low budget film "Rivers Run Over Me" looking for Production Assistants/Interns/Volunteers. I replied, interviewed, they said yes they could use my assistance, and sent me the script to read with a note that said "let me know your thoughts". So Neanderthal me, well I read the script, wrote a six point “my thoughts” memo. The last point being the ending was weak. There was no resolve. So, I scribble an alternative ending, not much just two pages, with some general ideas, and forward it to the producer. The producer of the film, Darien Sills-Evans”, was an actor on “Cosby” and “Third Watch”. And this is the email I get back:

“Mike,

While I'm appreciate (sic) your enthusiasm, I can't say that you are approaching this in the most professional manner. For future reference, you should know that under no circumstances should you attampt (sic) to re-write the ending of someone else's film -- especially if you are being considered for a Production Assistant position.

Even though I am a co-writer and producer, the film is John's vision and even I would not dare impose on that. He is the director, not I. How you or I would do it, is completely irrelevant.

Again, thank you for your interest in working on "Rivers Wash Over Me", but I'm afraid at this time, we'll have to pass. Perhaps on our future productions we will be able to work together.

Please cease and desist writing or re-writing our copyrighted materials and characters immediately.

Best of luck to you and your projects.

Sincerely,
Darien Sills-Evans”

When I got this email, I was like what the f***?

First of all, if you didn't want my thoughts, then why did you ASK ME? If you provides me a 90 page document, and asked me my thoughts, I’m going to give em to you.

Secondly, what artistic vision? I’m guessing most “production assistants” would just kiss ass. But give me a break, if the material is crap, then face it, the material
is crap. Choosing to hide behind artistic license is just BS.

If ya can't handle an honest, unbiased opinion observation, then DON’T ask!

Well anyway, basically I got fired from my first intern, before I even started. The next day, I responded to another post on craigslist.com and found another totally kewl production company. I’ve only been involved with the productoin team for two days – mostly assisting with a casting call - nevertheless they seem like a great group of people. Hopefully, all goes well, I’ll learn something and observe the filmmaking process.

What’s next?

It seems every time I return from an extended trip, I go through a similar recalibration period, trying to remember what I’m supposed to be doing. And it goes somewhat like this:

• Why am I wasting my time writing screenplays? Honestly, I don’t know. I’m not a good writer. I don’t particularly like writing. I HATE re-writing and proofreading. I have no attention for detail. I know all of these things, yet I choose to ignore them. Yes, it's all about denial. It’s worked in the past when pursing education and employment opportunities that I wasn’t the most qualified or didn’t have requisite experience, but forged ahead anyway. Then again, without denial, I probably would not have pursued such opportunities, or pursued more realistically opportunities. Maybe it isn’t such a bad thing.

• I’m also starting to get bored with what I’m writing. Maybe it’s just the cold weather. I don't know. I hope spring brings with it some enthusiasm and will help motivate me. Spring generally has this affect on me. Or maybe what I’m writing is just boring? It's always a possibility.

• My current goal is to re-work the two screenplays that I’ve completed and subsequently received feedback from two professional script analysts via the Slamdance’s Coverage Service. For the most part, the feedback was very constructive and beneficial. My only complain is that they’ve failed to see the underlying genius within my screenplays, but I not going to hold it against them. Genius is often difficult to identify, anyway. After re-work these two screenplays and finishing a third, I’m going to submit all three of them to Slamdance’s Feature Screenplay Contest by the first of June, then wait for the results, and then decide what the next move will be.

• During the summer, I’ve contemplating taking an intensive, six week Editing class at NYU. I already own the Final Cut-Pro software, but never used it. But why do I need a class? I can just read the manual or complete the online tutorial. Why pay $5000 for a class? I’m not sure. I was hoping the class might provide access to other filmmakers, albeit most of them will probably be a lot younger than I am. I suspect a lot of undergrads will enroll in the class, being summer and all. Then again, I don’t have air conditioning in my apartment and I’m sure the school does. I’m going to hold off on a final decision. Global warming my play a factor in this decision.

• I was considering signing-up for a Story Analysis for Producers class during the current Spring Semester. Then I recalled the classes I took two years ago, which were very similar. They were mostly comprised of non-matriculating students. Non-matriculating students have a wide-range of intellectual levels, but heavily populated on the clueless end of the spectrum. The discussions in the classes were dull and did I learn much. I decided against enrolling in the class.

• Instead, I decided should volunteer my services to a filmmaker and gain some practical filmmaking experience. There are various internet sites where filmmakers post help wanted requests. The problem again, however, most of these filmmakers are young just learning the craft themselves. I’m not sure I’d learn enough from them to justify my time and effort. What I’d really like is an intern with an established film producer. I’m starting to realize a greater interested in producing, than say cinematography or screenwriter. Then again, I have nothing to base that statement on either. It’s pure conjecture. Okay, I decided when I finish the three scripts and submit them to the Slamdance Contest, I’ll make an effort to look for a film producing internship. This is something I will most likely do, maybe.

• Then again maybe become filmmaker is just a hopeless pipedream and I should be searching for gainful employment elsewhere, say in the field of data analysis. There seems to be a plethora of jobs in this field and expanding daily. I could seek employment with a web advertising/marketing/monitoring firm in NYC. Current, on-line web advertising is about $40 billion per year and it’s expected to grow to $80 billion by 2012. Salaries seems reasonable with a lot of upside. I’ve always enjoyed working with data and statistics and building predictive econometric models. The downside to this plan, however, is that I’ve have to get up in the morning, go to work, do work, report to a boss, finish my work, return home at the end of the day and do it again the next day. I'm not sure this is such a good plan.

• Maybe, if I can’t an overachiever (e.g. an entertaining, yet thought provoking, award-winning, east-coast filmmaker), I should just thrive to be an underachiever and become something like, say a nurse. Nurses help people which is a good thing. And generally they seem to be thoughtful, caring and nurturing people themselves. But, on the other hand, they work with sick people and I’ve never really worked with sick people before, I'm not sure I want to work with sick people. Plus, I’d have to go back to school. I have no desire to go back to school.

• Okay, I’m exhausted and it's only 11 AM. If it wasn’t 11 AM, I’d make a large vodka martini, straight-up with olives. Hopefully, the mail will arrive soon with a new Netflix DVD.

Filmmakers Talk

I don’t know what to expect or what I’ll get out of this, but I'm going to check it out. I've seen most of these film, my favorite by far is "Y tu mamá también".

Collectively, Alfonso Cuarón (top left), Guillermo del Toro (top right) and Alejandro González Iñárritu (bottom left) are at the vanguard of today's world cinema. Individually each has contributed significantly in transforming their native cinema of Mexico; collectively these filmmakers travel fluently and regularly between cultures, genres and languages - studio and independent. As peers and colleagues they represent the best of international filmmaking. Cuarón's films include: "Sólo con tu pareja", "A Little Princess", "Great Expectations", "Y tu mamá también", "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban" and the forthcoming release, "Children of Men". Del Toro's films include "Cronos", "Blade II", "Mimic", "The Devil's Backbone", "Hellboy" and soon to be released "Pan's Labyrinth" (Mexico's entry for an Academy Award). Iñárritu's films include "Amores Perros", "21 Grams" and the current release, "Babel".

The forum will be moderated by David Carr, New York Times culture and business writer, this special Times Talks presentation is in honor of their Filmmakers Tribute as part of the 16th Annual Gotham Awards

Gotham Awards Filmmakers Tribute 6:00 PM - 7:30 PM - Tuesday November 28, 2006