Screenplay Feedback

Slamdance offers a service were screenwriters can submit their screenplays and for a nominal fee have an anonymous professional screenplay analyst read it and comment on it. The comments are sometime very basis like “what works” and “what doesn’t work” to very specific suggested changes. I submitted two screenplays. Below are excerpts from one screenplay "Growing Up Catholic".

Commenter #1

We consider this a very fine comedic drama. And we include all three Henrys in that commendation. The storyline builds simply, clearly and effectively. We are by no means criticizing the caliber of the dramatic writing when we say the probable cost of the project is so very modest that it could almost be done on the budget for a student produced feature film. Yet, the script offers so much story value in terms of just the right degree of humor for what remains a compellingly serious story with something important to say. Effective seriocomedy, such as this script has, is an extremely difficult and precious effect to achieve. We commend the writer for having so well achieved such a seriocomic effect.

The genius of the element is that it works because of the comedic role the alter egos are ultimately given in the treatment. Were the alter egos to function as strictly serious characters and only in strict serious context the element would have come off as content inappropriate to a naturalistic drama, or improperly mixed (inconsistent) naturalistic and supernatural genre material.

Commenter #2

The author has made a rather unfortunate choice to use “camp” to tell what should be a heart wrenching story of alienation, dogma and intolerance. The choice to have Henry talk to incarnations of himself at other points in his life does not work. It is a very unsubtle and clumsy way of showing us Henry’s inner struggle, and I am very suspicious of its effectiveness should it ever be rendered to screen. This story is too good and important to belittle with campiness.

The depiction of heaven is also very campy and it takes away from the seriousness of Henry’s odyssey. I wanted to get emotionally involved in Henry’s struggle but was constantly side tracked and taken out of the drama every time his incarnations appeared, as well as in those moments when God starts appearing.

I'm finding the hardest aspect of being a screenwriter is the varied comments. Some people like, even love, my screenplays and others HATE them. It’s not something I’m accustomed to. Who do I believe? Are the people who say they like them just being nice? Or was it the "little retarded girl" who wrote the positive comment? Why can everybody like my screenplays! It would be so much easier.

In addition to the screenplay review service that Slamdance provides, the screenplays are automatically entered into a competition. I was hoping for at least one of my two screenplays to make it into the top 10% of the contest this year, but it doesn’t look like that will happen, especially when one commenter loves it and the other one hates it. I received a similar split decision response on my other screenplay "Thou Shall Not."

Where do I go from here? I’m not sure what is next.